Squirrel

ADHD most definitely runs in families. I don’t need to check WebMD to verify that. I’m living it. I’m also beginning to believe that it’s contagious among coworkers, friends, and I think we may have given it to our dog.

I am one hundred percent guilty of spreading the contagion that is my inability to be where I am, exist in the moment, remember the end of the sentence I just started, put things in order, and/or sit still for long periods of time. My family and friends are all at risk, and slowly but surely showing signs of an outbreak.

I’ve been walking into rooms and forgetting why for as far back as my memory can reach. Searching through the closet of a basket of clothes is a basic part of my morning routine, only most mornings I get lost in there and then have to remember what I was looking for in the first place.

Laughing heartily, alone or in public places, because I remembered something mildly amusing that took place years prior is not a rarity for me. I started cracking up out of nowhere last night because I remembered the time my best friend and I laid a gown and high heels over her sleeping husband and took his picture. It was hysterical, I promise.

I once started laughing out loud, alone, in line at the DMV because another person on line made Eric Matthews (Boy Meets World – Eric during his college years when he was all wacky, not when he was all calm and girl crazy in high school) crazy eyes at me and I did it back. That began my own internal slide show of the funniest moments of Boy Meets World.  I forgot where I was, and that people typically don’t play themselves an internal montage of the most laugh-out-loud moments from their favorite show from twenty five years ago. Half of me wishes someone had been there to see it. The other half is grateful that only strangers witnessed it, because I’m sure I appeared certifiable.

I’ve been known to drive down the road and go directly past my destination, sometimes right past my own house, because I can sing the hell out of some Melissa Etheridge when I’m all alone in the car, and when I’m sangin’, I’m sangin’ and that’s that.

I can read an entire chapter in a book and have to go back and read it again. Even though I viewed every word, I was thinking about the time I sprained my ankle… which time the sprain was actually a break… which ankle was it? Is there shampoo?  I can love this book, but there is a good chance that my new pimple is actually melanoma, and I should really get it checked out… I better write this down so I don’t forget…

It’s REALLY hard to live in my head.

Knowing this about myself, I was able to recognize it pretty easily in my husband. We were sixteen years old when we got together, but we were in the same school since the age of twelve.  Most kids/teens are fidgety and want to get out of school for one reason or another, but this guy was different.  He was smart, witty, (sexy as hell;) sweet as could be, and always in trouble. This kid couldn’t sit still at a desk long enough write his name on a piece of paper most days. The guy is extremely intelligent, but managed to get himself so distracted in the hallway that he found it quite difficult to make it into an actual classroom.  There are entire years that I don’t remember seeing him in the hall because he was in in-school suspension so often for cutting classes. What could you possibly be doing all day?

I imagine it went a lot like this…

Hey look, a person. “Where are you going? I’ll go there too” … Shows up to class twenty minutes late… gets sent to the principal’s office… gets a day of In-School Suspension.

(Ironically enough, our anniversary is the date that we exchanged phone numbers in ISS.)


I like to call this concept squirrel.  It can be used as a verb, i.e. “Wow, he is really squirreling hardcore right now.” It can be used as a noun, i.e. “Wow, she’s a real squirrel today.” It can be used in most any case to describe your most preoccupied people. I use the term quite often, and others have begun to embrace it as well.

 

There is nothing quite like watching “squirrel” happen to my sweet little boy. He is the epitome of all things distractible. He was doomed from the start to be the squirrel king of Long Island with the DNA cocktail we bestowed upon him.

I sat through a nice dinner with the kids in the pizza place a while back. We spoke about books, minecraft, birds… y’know… all of the simple, great small talk you get with your kids while they’re in elementary school. All was well until my little boy stood up to throw out a napkin…

He discovered that there were mirrors on the walls that faced each other. Both walls were completely covered from the door to the counter, except for some wainscotting.  The effect that it created made it appear as if the walls went on forever. There were a million of him going back for as far as the eye can see if he stood in the right spot.

His natural inclination was to play hide-and-go-seek with himself.

Then he found a straw wrapper and threw it in the air hoping he could see a million straw wrappers, but he had to stand up to see the straw wrapper in the mirror and THERE HE WAS WAS AGAIN!

Tag. He was it.

He had a red beach ball in a package from the library summer reading program that we needed to see a million of.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see a million pieces of pizza? He picked his slice up and started waving to his reflection, crumbing and grease-dripping the entire area around him.

Then there was a root beer incident… Let’s just say that my little guy became my little geyser and we really needed to get the hell out of that pizza place before my son became the background of a viral meme about bad parenting. The maniacal cackling was enough to make you either pee your pants laughing or die of humiliation.  The jumping, hiding, and throwing of random objects into the air was like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I held back chuckles while I tried to get him to calm down, because as much as I was enjoying the show, it is my job to teach him that this is wrong.

Big mistake. When I stood up to get him and make him sit down… THERE WERE A MILLION MOMMIES!! BBBBWWWWWAAAAA A MILLION MOMMIES!!!!!

I am fully aware of the fact that my child ruined the dining experience of more than a few people that night. I am also aware of the fact that I was choking back laughter the whole time I feigned scolding him for such behavior… because it really was cool to see a million flying pieces of pizza, and really, he did everything that I would have done if I wasn’t so old and accustomed to these boring ass social norms we’re all supposed to adhere to. I think it’s safe so say that on our family’s little Punnett square of life, my little guy got the dominant ADHD gene.

Mama’s baby squirrel ❤ 

//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({
google_ad_client: “ca-pub-7789843252619037”,
enable_page_level_ads: true
});

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: